The World According to Jacob

On food...

"That jelly donut was delicious. It was good for my taste bugs. Everything is good for my taste bugs, like broccoli, but spinach is not so good for my taste bugs." 

On famous people in history...

Napoleon conquered France. He went back to France and talked to France and told them he should act like Napoleon. When he left France, he kept conquering and conquering. And then he died.

Comfutris *... he kept writing China books. He died in ancient China.

George Washington, who wears the white hair with curls with a bow, and has socks that are just like ballet. He was the first president. He chopped down cherry trees, he got old and he died.

 Abraman Limcoln * was the 16th president. He had a hat like a magician. John Wilkes Booths got angry because Limcoln freed the slaves. He went to the movies (NOTE: theater), and he got shot from behind. Abraman Limcoln died.

Incment Floyd *, with the glasses and the mustache and beard - he talked to his patients when they laid down on the couch so they'd stay calm. He told them, "You must stay away from illusions." He died.

Black Beard, the pirate. He hates whales. He had all the rest of his crew, and had to battle, and they stoled the gold. Pirates are mean. They traveled around and saw Skull Island. He died.

Johnny Appleseed... his real name was John Chapman, but they called him Johnny Appleseed. He had a supply of apple seeds. He fed the animals with apples. He went to two states, Ohio and Indiana. And he kept traveling and when he ran out of apple seeds, he got some more apple seeds and he planted apple trees. He was so hungry, he could eat a horse. His feet were as tough as a elephant's butt. He hid in the shelter when the winter storm of snow comed in. When he went to the forest, he had some lumberjacks to meet, and they were trying to kill the wild cat. Johnny Appleseed and the lumberjacks had a lumberjack fighting contest. When Johnny Appleseed fooled them the trees were all cut down and they built a house. When Johnny Appleseed died, it was fall and they began to pick the apples from the tree, and they lived happily after. The end.

Etgerman Poe*. He lived lonely. He scared kids. He writes poems, "Clothe Raben". When he kept being nice, he died.

Santa Clause is nice. He knows when you're good or bad. He puts presents under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. If you are bad, you get rocks and sticks. He never dies.

on fairytales...

There was Mama Bear, Papa Bear and Baby Bear. The Papa Bear said, "Ooh! My porridge is too hot!" The Mama Bear said, "Ooh! My porridge is too cold!" And the Baby Bear said, "My porridge is too hot as my Papa Bears. Let's go for a walk and let my porridge melt."

They went for a walk, and Goldilocks came, but nobody answered. When she went in, she saw 3 porridges. She said "Yuck, this porridge is too cold." She tried another one. She said, "This porridge is too hot." She tasted another, Baby Bears, and said, "This porridge is just right."

She went to 3 chairs. "This chair's too hard. Ooh, this chair is too soft." And Goldilocks said, "This chair is just right!" Then she broked it.

She went to 3 beds. She went to Papa Bear's bed. "This one's too hard. This bed is too soft. This bed is just right!"

And when the 3 bears came, they went to their house, and they checked on their porridges. "Someone's been eating my porridge," said Papa Bear. And the Mama Bear said, "Ooh! Someone's been eating my porridge." And Baby Bear said, "Someone's been eating all my porridge and it's all gone!"

They went to their 3 chairs. "Someone's been sitting in my chair." And Mama Bear said, "Someone's been sitting in my chair." "Someone's been sitting in my chair, and it's gotten broke!"

They went to their 3 bear beds. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed," said the Papa Bear. The Mama Bear said, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed." And the Baby Bear said, "Someone's been sleeping into my bed, and there she is!"

Goldilocks ran from the 3 bears, and they couldn't catch her. Goldilocks ran home. The end.

On super heroes... (from the cartoon Samuri Jack)

I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness. I am the one who speaks of darkness. But a foolish Samuri warrior will bring a magic sword. Step forward to oppose me. Before the final struck blowed, I tored open a time portal in time, when my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku! I said, "Don't worry, Samuri, you will see me again. But you will never defeat my beetle drones! Ahahahahaha!"

Samuri Jack said, "I will defeat your beetle drones."

When he defeated all my beetle drones, he went to another world, across the star. He went to a water one. And met the triserquiz. Samuri Jack was kind of hungry - he ate some sushi. And he was acting like a pig. When the fool went to another time, he met the guys with the space helmets and rocket jet packs and a ship. He went to another star.

His quest continues.

* TRANSLATIONS:

Comfutris (Confucius)
Abraman Limcoln (Abraham Lincoln)
Incment Floyd (Sigmund Froyd)
Etgerman Poe (Edgar Allen Poe)

 

 

 

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