PROLOGUE

 Southern Illinois

Luke Collins was miserable. In just a few hours his whole life was going to change, and it was something he was not looking forward to. He glanced at his watch; wishing time would somehow stand still, but it didn’t take him long to realize his wish was not being granted.

He lowered his head and clamped his hands together behind his neck, not quite sure if he could manage the task ahead of him. Although, he knew this had been coming, it still wasn’t easy for him to swallow. After leaning back, he stared at the ceiling, thinking back to five years earlier when he first saw the new girl at Crab Orchard School. He had been a sophomore in high school and she was in the eighth grade. Her name was Jena Holmes and she had taken his breath away from the moment he first saw her, and he’d been in love ever since.

The problem was his best friend, Dean Madison. Dean had also fallen in love with Jena. And in the years that followed, they both tried to win her heart, but in the end Dean was finally victorious. Dean and Jena were getting married today. Luke shifted in his seat again, before checking his watch, then decided it was time for him to get ready for the wedding, after all he was the best man.

* * * *

It was a lovely day for a wedding; in fact, it was absolutely perfect. The young couple was standing at the front of the small church facing the minister and listening intently to the words that were being spoken; they were ready to pledge their hearts and souls to each other. All the guests in the church were beaming with happiness for the young couple, except the best man, who was standing tall and straight beside his best friend, but looked like his whole world was about to come to an end. There was no sign of happiness on his handsome face.

Jena Holmes stood proudly beside the man she chose to be her husband. They had been planning their wedding for quite some time.

As she listened to the minister’s words, she looked up at the man she had fallen in love with; her love was so deep for him it scared her. She caught a glimpse of their best friend, Luke Collins, and was surprised to see the look on his face. He looked like he was sad, but he couldn’t be. He knew how important this day was to them.

She didn’t have time to think about him anymore as Dean squeezed her hand and motioned with his head toward the minister. When she realized he had been speaking to them, her face flamed with embarrassment. She didn’t think about anything else until the ceremony was over and the minister pronounced them man and wife.

* * * *

At the reception much later in the evening, Luke stood in the shadows with a drink in his hand, brooding. He needed to talk to Dean before the reception ended. Finally, he was ready to go in search of Dean and Jena, when he saw them both heading directly toward him. He finished his drink and waited.

“Luke, Jena and I would like to talk to you,” Dean said as he placed his hand in the small of Jena’s back and guided her to a chair. “Here sweetheart, have a seat and get off your feet. I know you have to be worn out.”

Luke watched the couple, jealousy rising in his chest. Once Jena was settled, he turned to Dean. “What do you have on your mind?”

“I don’t want any hard feelings. I mean...about my marrying Jena.” Dean glanced at Jena, love shining in his eyes. “I love her Luke and she loves me.”

Luke was dumb-founded. He had always made certain his feelings were hidden well from Dean, but evidently not good enough. “I know you love her Dean...and I’ll tell you right now, you’re a very lucky man.” He let his gaze settle on the beautiful bride sitting beside his best friend. “She’s a very fine woman.”

Jena scooted to the edge of her seat, pinning her gaze on Luke, “I married Dean, but I want you to know that you’ll always be very special to me. I’ll never forget the skinny boy that introduced himself to me when I first started school at Crab Orchard School.” She smiled as old memories flooded back. “I was scared to death, until you strutted over to me and introduced yourself. I love you, but just in a different way.” she said, reaching for his hand.

Luke felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest. However, he stood tall, his back straight as an arrow and grinned, “There’s no hard feelings. You and this thick-headed friend of mine have been in love for a very long time. I’m glad you two finally tied the knot.” He ran his hand through his thick raven, black hair before he continued, “I have something to tell you both before you leave on your honeymoon. I’ll be leaving first thing in the morning.”

Dean and Jena were stunned.

“Where are you going?” Dean asked, after the initial shock wore off.

“I’m going to Chicago. I’ve got a new job lined up.”

Standing up, Jena moved closer to Dean. “What will you be doing?”

“I’m not quite sure. It could vary,” Luke replied, shrugging his shoulders.

Dean was the first to react. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, and I hope we’ll always be friends,” he said as he extended his hand. “Promise me you’ll stay in touch.”

“I’ll try, but I won’t make any promises.”

The two men shook hands. Leaning forward, Luke kissed Jena on the cheek before saying goodbye.

Luke Collins wanted to get away before his friends returned from their honeymoon, he knew he couldn’t stand to see them together everyday the rest of his life. So, he decided to make a clean break and never look back, but little did he know fate would call him back to his hometown and to the girl he loved.

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

Southern Illinois, April 2003

Jena checked the clock on the wall, again. She was beginning to worry about Dean. He should have been home an hour ago, and it was not like him to be late. Oh well, he probably stopped by the grocery store or maybe the gas station before coming home. Besides, even in the small town of Marion, the traffic had become impossible at five o’clock. Smiling, she knew he would be home soon and she would have supper ready when he finally arrived.

It was times like this that Jena missed having children, but after ten years of marriage and numerous trips to different doctors, she knew there would never be any children. She was unable to conceive. When the first doctor told her that she wouldn’t be able to have any children, she didn’t believe him.

Then after accepting the fact, she became very depressed. But Dean, who was also her best friend, helped her through that dark time in her life. Now they both had come to terms with her inability to conceive. However, she had almost convinced him to adopt a child, which would be just as good as having one of their own.

Humming a soft tune, she finished preparing supper and realized she still had laundry to do. No better time like the present, she thought, carrying the basket of dirty laundry to the utility room. She filled the washing machine and took a moment to straighten the shelves above the dryer before going back to the kitchen. She glanced at the clock once again and became more worried. Almost thirty minutes had passed since she had checked the time.

Deciding to try to call Dean on his cell phone, she dialed the number and waited. When he didn’t answer, she dialed his beeper number and left a message.       

There were certain times she was glad she didn’t work outside the home. Yet other times, she decided it would be nice to have a part-time job. They didn’t need the extra money, Dean had a good job, but it would be welcome distraction for Jena on some days.

They had planned on having at least three children, maybe more, and Dean didn’t want her working. He preferred her to stay home instead and raise their children. When they learned they would have no children of their own, she decided to stay home anyway, still holding on to the possibility of adopting a child.

Besides, she didn’t mind staying at home. They owned a beautiful home on Lake of Egypt, a small recreational lake in Southern Illinois. She enjoyed being outdoors, planting flowers and mowing the lawn in spring and summer. Then raking leaves in the fall, preparing for the winter months.

They both liked living outside of town, where they could fish and take walks around the lake, it was relaxing. The only thing that always worried her was the long drive Dean made everyday to his job at a small computer company in Carbondale. Sometimes the drive was a killer, especially if you hit traffic at the wrong time of day.

Thinking of the time again, she looked at her watch, then walked to the window in front of the house and looked toward the driveway, hoping to see him. It wasn’t like him to be this late without calling her to let her know what was going on; he was always very considerate.

When she thought about the last time he was late, she smiled, picturing him walking beside the road; with a gas can in his hand. Realizing he could be in the same predicament, she decided to drive toward Marion.

Grabbing her keys, she hurried from the house and climbed in the car. When she heard a car turn into the driveway, wanting to look good for Dean, she checked her appearance in the mirror on the visor, before jumping out of the car to wait for him.

The smile on her face soon disappeared when she saw it wasn’t Dean’s car pulling in; it was a police car from Williamson County Sheriff’s office. She checked her watch again, and her legs started to tremble when she realized exactly how late it was.

Walking to the back of the car, she watched and waited as the police car slowly approached. She was glad she had the car to lean on, if not, she would have been down on the ground because her legs were too weak to support her full weight.

The police car stopped a few feet away. The officer grabbed his hat from the front seat then opened the car door and stepped out. He took a few minutes to adjust his hat before walking toward her.

Jena could tell by the look on his face that the news wasn’t good. She started crying before the officer reached her.

“Hello, I’m Deputy Rick Anson from the Williamson County Sheriff’s Department. Are you Jena Madison?”

Unable to speak, she simply nodded.

The deputy stepped closer, “It’s about your husband, Mrs. Madison. I’m afraid he’s been involved in an auto accident. I need you to come with me.”

At first Jena didn’t know what to do. Then she pushed away from the car and hurried toward the officer. “Is he all right? Where’s he at right now?” she demanded, reaching for the officer’s uniform shirt.

“Ma’am, you need to calm down,” Deputy Anson said, trying to steady Jena on her feet.

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Jena pulled away and closed her eyes. “Please, God, let him be all right.” After opening her eyes, she grabbed the officer’s uniform shirt again. “You know what’s going on. Please tell me,” she pleaded.

“Ma’am...I’m sorry, I don’t have a lot of information about your husband’s condition. He’s at Williamson County Hospital, and we need to get there as soon as possible.” He put a gentle hand on her arm, trying to lead her toward the car. “Please, we need to leave.”

She walked with him to the police car, and let him help her inside. “I’ll be right back,” he said, sticking his head inside the squad car. “I’m going to close your car door.” He closed the passenger door of his car, then jogged back to her car. When he reached her car, he noticed her purse lying on the front seat. Retrieving it, he hurried back to the squad car. Opening the door, he slid under the steering wheel and put his seat belt on.

Turning to Jena he told her, “Here’s you purse,” while laying it next to her.

Wiping the tears from her face, she glanced at him and simply nodded.

Realizing the need to hurry, Deputy Anson shifted the car into reverse. “It won’t take us long to get there, Mrs. Madison. You need to put your seatbelt on before we leave.”

Fastening her seatbelt, she leaned her head back against the seat. I knew something was wrong when he didn’t show up on time, she thought closing her eyes as the car started moving.

When the car reached the road, the deputy flipped the red lights on and hurried toward Marion.

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

Jena was quiet all the way to Marion, but her tears flowed freely. She was so afraid for Dean, especially since the deputy wouldn’t tell her anything about his condition. With each passing mile, she stared out the window of the car and prayed all the way to the hospital. Everything just had to be all right, it just had to be.

Ten minutes later, Deputy Anson stopped the car in front of the emergency room entrance. Getting out of the car, he moved to help Jena out.

Numb with worry, Jena wasn’t aware of what was going on around her. Although she did comprehend that they had reached the hospital. Sitting in the car, she decided to wait for Deputy Anson to open her door; she was afraid her legs wouldn’t support her weight.

When the door opened, she automatically swung her legs out, then hesitated.

“Come with me, Mrs. Madison. I’ll take you to your husband,” Deputy Anson told her as he extended his hand. When he realized this tactic wasn’t going to work, he leaned over and placed his hands beneath her elbows, and gently lifted her from the car seat.

“Mrs. Madison, if you need to lean on me, you go right ahead, I don’t mind.” He shut the car door, before guiding her away from the parked car. As he led her through the automatic doors, a sudden movement at his side drew his attention and he glanced down. “Just a little further, Mrs. Madison,” he said, wishing he’d drawn a different assignment today.

Dazed, Jena walked close to the deputy. They made several twists and turns along the bright corridors before reaching a long hallway. Her knees had been weak before, but now they were starting to shake, almost uncontrollably. Fearing she would crumple to the floor, she leaned against the officer for support.

Reaching the end of the long hallway, the young police officer turned to her, and whilie pointing to a chair gently told her, “Mrs. Madison, please... have a seat.” He waited for her to get settled before telling her. “I’m going to leave you for a minute. I need to notify the nurse on duty.”

She simply nodded, but she wasn’t exactly sure what he just told her; it didn’t matter anyway. She stared at the polished floor, the smells and sounds of the busy hospital forgotten. The only thing she could think about was Dean; he had to be all right.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there before she heard someone clear his throat. Glancing up, she discovered Officer Anson standing next to her, holding his hat in his hands.

“What about my husband?” she asked, searching his face for answers. However, the sober expression on his face was telling the whole story. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as overwhelming grief crushed her hopes.

“I talked to the nurse a few minutes ago, and she told me the doctor would be out to talk to you in a few minutes.” He twisted his hat in his hands, trying not to look at her. “Would you like for me to get you something to drink?”

Wiping tears from her face, she shook her head, not trusting her voice.

“Is there someone I can contact for you? Do you have any family that lives close?”

“No,” she whispered. “Our families have moved away. But just as soon as I find out something about his condition, I’ll need to contact them.”

“I’m sure the doctor will be here soon, Mrs. Madison.”

Jena was getting ready to answer when the automatic doors opened at the end of the hallway. A middle-aged man wearing surgical scrubs walked out, looking as if he had been running a marathon race. His hair was sticking out at odd angles all over his head and the glasses he was wearing had slipped down to the end of his nose. All in all, he looked worn out.

Jena held her breath, fearing this was the doctor who was treating Dean. When the haggard looking doctor stopped in front of her, it confirmed her worst fears.

“Are you Mrs. Madison?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, standing slowly, hoping her legs would hold her.

“I’m Doctor Jack Wilkins. I’ve been treating your husband since he was brought in.”

Stepping closer, she laid her hand on his arm. “Doctor Wilkins, can you please tell me something about my husband? Is he all right?” She watched as the doctor took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. As she waited, her stomach began to do flip-flops, and her heart began beating rapidly within her chest.

Before Jena left with Doctor Wilkins, Deputy Anson stepped forward, “Mrs. Madison, I’ll be waiting to take you back home. That is,” he added softly, “whenever you’re ready to leave.”

Dazed, Jena simply nodded before turning her attention back to Doctor Wilkins.

“Mrs. Madison, please come with me and we’ll discuss your husband’s condition,” Doctor Wilkins said, leading her into a consultation room.

He waited until Jena was seated, before sitting down in a chair next to her. “Mrs. Madison,” he began, “I’m afraid I’ve got some very bad news.”

Suddenly, Jena’s face lost all color, when she realized the doctor was stalling. “Tell me what’s going on,” she pleaded as her body began to shake uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry to be the one that has to tell you this. Your husband has sustained massive head injuries. He has been placed him on life support.” He patted her folded hands. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this Mrs. Madison, but you need to make some decisions about his care.”

Although her mind was in a pain-induced fog, Jena glanced up. “There’s no decisions to be made. I want him to receive the best care possible.”

“As I said, your husband is on life support, with no chance of recovery. Unfortunately decisions will have to be made.”

By this time Jena’s expression hardened. “You’re wrong,” she insisted. “Move him to a larger hospital. Accident victims survive all the time after being air lifted to larger hospitals.”

Doctor Wilkins removed his glasses, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m afraid moving him won’t help. There’s no sign of brain activity,” he said softly. “I know this is a very difficult time for you, but...there are certain things you need to think about...such as...life support.”

Jena stood and turned her back. After a few minutes, she turned to face him. “That decision has already been made, Dr. Wilkins. We both promised each other a long time ago, if something were to happen and place either one of us in position like this, not to leave the other one on any type life support,” she whispered, trying to be strong.

He watched the young woman struggling with her emotions. No matter how many times he was placed in this position, it didn’t make it any easier. He stood, wanting to comfort her, then refrained.

“Mrs. Madison...as I said before...I know this is hard for you, but there’s one more thing I need to ask you. On your husband’s driver’s license, he indicated that he wanted to be an organ donor. Would you still like for him to be a donor?”

Jena turned her back to the doctor. She knew what had to be done, and she knew what Dean would want her to do. They talked about it many times before, although it was much easier talking about it, than actually having to make the decision. After a slight hesitation, she turned around.

“Yes, that’s what he wanted,” she whispered.

“There are a few forms that require your signature. I’ll have a nurse bring them in,” he said as he walked to the door.

“Doctor Wilkins,” Jena called out.

“Yes.”

“I’d like to see him...no...I need to see him.”

Dr. Wilkins nodded. “You can see him. I’ll have a nurse come and get you in just a few minutes, until then just have a seat. I’ll let the officer know what’s going on.” He started out the door then stopped and turned around, “Will you be all right by yourself?”

“Yes, don’t worry about me,” she said, as her body became numb.

A few minutes later the door opened, startling her. Then she realized it was just the nurse that Dr Wilkins had sent.

The nurse walked closer to Jena before stopping, “My name is Wilma, I’m Dr. Wilkins’ assistant. How are you feeling?” Wilma asked, when she noticed the expression on Jena’s face. She kneeled beside the young woman. “Mrs. Madison, how are you feeling?” she repeated, when Jena didn’t answer right away.

Jena knew the nurse was talking to her, but the words sounded muffled, so she simply nodded.

“Can I see my husband now?” she asked, devoid of any emotion. Preparing to stand, Jena scooted to the edge of the seat.

“Yes, you can. First, I want to make sure you’re all right. You have to think about your health right now.” After a few moments of careful observation, Wilma stood and helped Jena to her feet. “Come with me, I’ll take you to your husband’s room. Now, I need you to understand something before we get there—”

Jena’s head snapped up. “Understand what?”

“Well... I know Doctor Wilkins spoke to you earlier about the situation. Your husband has a very severe head injury. And I must warn you, he’s—” Wilma hesitated. Before Wilma told Jena about Dean’s appearance, she paused, wondering how much Jena could take.

A single tear slipped down Jena’s pale cheek, but this time she swiped it away quickly. “I know what you’re trying to tell me, but I need to see my husband.” She straightened up to her full height, not about to mess up her chances of seeing Dean for the last time. Before leaving the room, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to forget that possibility. Besides, the doctor probably made a mistake. As soon as Dean hears my voice he’ll wake up and be all right again.

Thinking Dean was going to make a miraculous recovery, she smiled at the nurse. “I’m ready now.”

“Okay, but you have to stay close to me when we get to the room. Do I have your promise?”

“Yes.”

She followed the nurse through some double doors and into an area marked Intensive Care Unit. The first thing she noticed was all the rooms had big glass walls and each room was fully stocked with high-tech equipment. Just the thought of Dean in one of those beds made her feel ill.

They made a left turn and walked by a nurse’s station until they reached a larger room that was located in the corner of the hallway. A sense of dread came over Jena when she realized this must be Dean’s room. Before entering, she stopped and closed her eyes, then prayed.

While standing there, Jena was lost in her own world, until the nurse’s voice startled her. “Mrs. Madison, are you sure you’re up to this?” Wilma asked while looking around for someone to assist her with Jena.

Taking a deep breath, Jena nodded. “I’m fine. I want to see my husband now.”

“Now remember what I told you, just prepare yourself.” She moved aside to let Jena pass, but followed very closely, in case she was needed.

Jena walked farther into the room. A few feet from the bed she stopped as a strange noise filled her ears. However, after a quick glance toward the bed, the noise was forgotten. Suddenly, she knew the doctor had been telling the truth.

She turned, tears shining in her eyes. “This isn’t my husband. I don’t recognize this man at all,” she whispered as her hands began to shake.

The nurse wrapped a comforting arm around Jena. “Yes it is, Mrs. Madison. I warned about the extent of his injuries.”

It was at that moment Dr. Wilkins walked in, went over to the edge of the bed, and checked the gauge on the respirator before turning to Jena.

“Mrs. Madison, I know you have a lot to think about, but you need to make some very harsh decisions. We talked a little about it out in the consultation room. You said earlier, you and your husband had an agreement about not being placed on life support. Now, we can give you some time if you need it, or you can make a definite decision,” Doctor Wilkins said softly.

She glanced at Dr. Wilkins, tears shining in her eyes. “I want to be alone with him for a few minutes. Then I’ll give you an answer,” she replied calmly. She waited, trying to keep her eyes off the prone figure lying in the hospital bed.

Noticing Jena’s unusually calm demeanor, Dr. Wilkins was afraid to leave her, but agreed to step outside. “Yes, we’ll step outside for a short time.” He motioned to the nurse. “Let’s leave them alone.”

“Thank you,” Jena said softly, never taking her eyes off Dean. She waited as the doctor and his nurse left the room, then turned and walked closer to the bed. With her hands shaking, she lifted his hand in both of hers, trying not to tangle any of the wires and tubes covering his body, and brought it to her lips.

The moment her lips touched his skin, she squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard, fighting back more tears. “Oh, Dean, why did this happen?” she asked, while placing gentle kisses on each of his knuckles. While holding his hand, she was surprised by how cold it felt—normally he was like a furnace.

“We promised each other we would always be together. You promised to never leave me. What am I going to do by myself? How will I manage without you? Please, please don’t leave me. I love you so very much,” she whispered against his hand.

She was hoping that some miracle would happen and he would wake up, when it didn’t, she finally worked up the courage to look at his face. There were so many bandages covering it, she couldn’t make out who was beneath them, or how they looked, but she did notice all the wires and tubes coming from the bandages and the respirator tube coming from his mouth.

Then she realized the strange noise she heard earlier was coming from the respirator beside his bed. The longer she stood there listening to the sound that was keeping her husband alive, the more detached she became. It seemed everything in the room was becoming farther and farther away. When a strange feeling came over her, she looked down and realized the floor seemed to be moving slowly, and the bed was beginning to move.

She didn’t know what was happening to her, but she knew her time with Dean was limited. Just before everything in the room went black, she leaned close to him, and whispered, “Always remember that I love you.” With that her world faded away

 

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